I'm sitting in the most comfortable russet-colored leather chair. The television is turned on, but at an inaudible volume. I couldn't even tell you what is on. It is so quiet, the only sounds I hear is the clock on the wall ticking, my fingers fluttering over the keyboard, and the occasional house noise. I'm aware of my comfortable, relaxed breathing. And each time I inhale, I am reminded that there is a fresh mug of spiced orange tea sitting within arm's reach. When I take a sip, I can feel the warmth of the tea-heated ceramic on my lips. I'm unfamiliar with this type of solitude, but I welcome it. 

This is a place where I'm practicing the art of painful honesty, right? So hear this: my whole life, I have actually been pretty afraid of being alone. Up until very recently, I've considered my craving constant company just part of my personality. And it can be healthy in moderation. It is one thing to enjoy the presence of people while you're out, but another thing entirely to be sad and upset and lonely when there is an absence of such company. I love to people watch. To absorb energies of others. To observe body language. I realize now, this was something of an escape, an activity where I do not have to think about anything if I don't want to. Somewhere I can put on a happy face and be independent of stressors. But since my new-found affinity for my hippy-drippy reading material, I am beginning to learn to appreciate this noisy type of quiet.

After years of developing and perfecting my people-watching skills, my self-watching skills have very much started to resemble a prune. I never took the time to notice my breathing before. Or the way my second toe crosses over onto my big toe when I set cross-legged. How hot tea feels as its making its way down my esophagus.

What a perfect time to get to know myself on this level though. I'm away from the person I love more desperately than I ever knew I was capable, which is hard, yes. It makes me feel weaker than I ever care to admit publicly, but it gives me time, as a 24 year-old-woman to get to know myself as an individual. I want to bring to the table as much vibrancy, love, and je ne sais quois to the lives of the people that matter to me as I can. But how am I to bring any of that if I don't know what that looks like in me? It's time figure the answer to that question out. It's going to take time, patience and a whole lot of willingness to get to know myself. 

Bottom line: I'm excited to get to know me. I hardcore dislike being without my other half..but really, I'm gaining another other half. And that other half is pretty important.