Of course, stuff has happened between the time that I posted last and now, but really nothing noteworthy. So I'll spare you of any boring blah-blah blogging. You're welcome. Wait, wait..nothing noteworthy except for one thing. I am the proud owner of a round-trip plane ticket to Geneva, Switzerland! My Swiss-implant of a boyfriend and I went halfies on the purchase of this fine specimen of happiness, for a grand total of $808.01. I'm going to Europe. To be his date for the Marine Corps Birthday Ball. I'm such a spoiled little brat. Just ask me. :)
Aside from that big bundle of excitement (happy dance!), and short of sounding like Zelda, I do want to say that I have been on something of a quest. In the last year and a half, my life has changed dramatically. Prior to the exclusive relationship I enjoy with my Swiss-implanted, long-distance American boyfriend, I was in a poisonous and horrifying relationship for three years. Suffice it to say that I took away many a bad habit from that relationship. Post-breakup, I found myself to be very self-centered, self-pitying and without much self-confidence. This annoyed me; I don't even want to think about how the people I care about felt. It was time to change.
I wanted to change physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Feeling overwhelmed with all these necessary upgrades, I listened to Implant's advice. "If you don't like something, then change it", was his mantra. Psh. Too simple. I was searching for that one-liner that would all but floor me like a 350-pound linebacker. Beauty is simplicity, no? YES. Yes, Jen, it is! I finally HEARD what Implant was mantra-ing! If you can change it, then DO it! Don't make excuses. Just GO. One foot in front of the other style. So I did. I welcomed the loss of 30 pounds. I started saving money. I have started healing from the pain my relationship caused.
This week, I forgave myself for letting myself go for an entire three years.
That one was huge. Now, let's get this straight, loyal readers of mine. I'm not claiming Enlightenment status or anything, but what I am saying is that was point one, in favor of my quest for healing. For change. For self-recognition.
I wish I could share my "7 Steps to Free and Easy" guide with you, but really, that guide is nonexistent. Recognizing that self-loathing and brooding and regret is counterproductive. Great, Jen, you lost 30 pounds. You, for once in your whole life, have more than the obligatory $25 in your savings account. But I was still unhappy. I was always wanting more. Why was it so hard for me to stop and recognize how much progress I HAD made? I wanted perfection immediately. Time to sloooww down, sistah, and see the good that you have created for your life. My sweet little Implant, all the way from Switzerland, called me out on it. He told me to wake up everyday and realize that I'm awesome, otherwise, misery is mine for the claiming. No thanks, someone else can have it, no charge.
He was right. Again. I have done a lot to shake my past off my shoulders. And I needed to stop and see that. There was so much that I wanted to do to rid myself of those hurtful three years, and I wanted it done yesterday. Time healed most, but grace finished the job. All I needed was a little patience and love for myself. And I discovered the need and desire for these things through a fantastic source of truth and wisdom. And he is 6500 miles away. :) Teehee.
I'm happier now than I have ever been, cumulatively. I have a new perspective on happiness that I can relate to and can be summed up in a quote from "Eat, Pray, Love" by the wonderfully talented Elizabeth Gilbert:
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."
There it is. I know that I still have things to work on, goals to work for. But that's nothing to get my cute Victoria's Secret undies in a bunch over. There is always work to be done. And working for those things will bring happiness, just as reaching those goals will bring happiness. So, Jen, have a cup of Sanka and enjoy the sunrise.
For once, in the longest time I can remember, I feel contentedness. Peace. It's a good place to be. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment